Surrounded by Ghosts

If you were an agent, either state or federal, trying to get something on me, by the time we were through you would despise me, or perhaps you'd laugh. Your reaction to me would depend on your personality and how I'd treat you would depend on your demeanor.

I was tossing and turning in attempt to fall asleep, but I gave-up, and now I'm drinking a doppio espresso at 6:00 a.m. on no sleep. Too much on my mind and thank God my wonderful son bought me the pro-espresso machine from Starbucks when my too expensive Italian model went kaput a while back. It's a Starbucks Barista in steel. It cost my dear child more than $500, but he couldn't stand seeing his mother make the drive to Starbucks just for one quad-espresso. I never did like regular coffee. And I drink it undiluted, black – no sugar or milk. I don't even dress-up my espresso. It is as intense as I am.

I was staring at the fluorescent stars on the ceiling and couldn't help but to laugh. I am surrounded by ghosts. The people that email me are ghosts. The people on forums and blogs that I post on are ghosts. The people that dial me on my Blackberry are ghosts. I even received a letter in my publishing company mailbox from a ghost yesterday. Sometimes I even find myself going to a lot of trouble to help ghosts. Okay I admit that sometimes I bait the ghosts, but it hasn't failed me yet and it can be fun.

I've been working on this research for a new book and it seems to attract ghosts like a magnet; so much so, that I have no one real in my life anymore except my immediate family and a couple of real friends, and sometimes even they get ticked-off with me. I have reconnected with a couple of people from the past, but as of yet I'm not clear if they are being real or if they have ghost intentions. For all I know, each has only contacted me with bad intent.

It is the past that has succeeded in taking my trust for people and turned it into suspicion. Perhaps that is the real crime of the railroad attempt in the criminal case, and more damaging than any other part. They made me aware of how horrible people can be; of the level of deceit that one human being can impose on another, and without any visible remorse. Like in Dawn of the Dead they are zombies without conscience.

All too often I choose to play word games with these ghosts without scruples. I was just thinking that I should quit the word games and cease communication. Just disappear. One of these ghosts asked me where I was the other night and I almost forgot where I was spoofing from – it was one of those – oh, I used to be there, but now I'm – situations. Another ghost asked me where I was a week ago, and my response was: No one knows. You see, dealing with the ghosts with hidden agendas has finally gotten to me.

I was just making plans to reroute telephone calls – sort of in the same manner that the conspirators written about in my recent denunciation series, The Real Orlando News, still does to me. It gets technical, but I figure that if they can do it so can I, but I'd be doing it legally because it's my telephone number that they have effected. In every sense, I'd just be taking my own telephone number back and people that dial me could actually reach me – you've got to laugh; I know that I am. I am definitely LOL. On the note that I'm still considering such a response, I'd best keep it to myself, or maybe I'll tell you what they're up to real soon. I might just flip a coin, but at least now they also know that I know.